I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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