last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
