He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
