Don't you send me to vm
I puked a lego.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
