we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
