You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
