I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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