The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
