I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
