you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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