and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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