I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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