'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
