is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
