it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
