You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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