I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
birth control should be required to get into college
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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