dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
