Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
