I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
