The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
