Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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