you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
