The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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