direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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