Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
