He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
