i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Also, beer. Big fan.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
