like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
