so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
we have pet lesbian snakes
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
