My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
