She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
