im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
