Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
