I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
