one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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