$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize