thus making me awesome and them whores
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
