therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
