I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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