you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
