dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
