I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
