I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
