the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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