i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
