yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
