he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
