We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
