Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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