I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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