I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize