turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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