Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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