Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
