I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm going to jail i love you
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
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