we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
