My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
