i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
