She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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