I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I wear drunk well.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
