plz talk dirty to me
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
