the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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