I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
