yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Randomize