Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
