ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
