please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
