If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I didn't notice because vodka
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
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