I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This is the high leading the old right now
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize