Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
