Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
