There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
