It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So much rum. So many feels.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
