I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
