So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
