I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
PANTIES FOUND
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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