She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
